You’re Playing Animal Crossing Completely Wrong If You’re Not a Kid

There is no debate in my house over whether Tom Nook is good or evil. Or someone who Bernie Sanders would loathe. The in-game raccoon ringmaster of Animal Crossing can do no wrong in my 6-year-old daughter’s eyes — and her two older brothers know better than to quibble with her on this point.

Animal Crossing: New Horizons may be the perfect game for these social distancing times, but it’s also become fodder for some rather bizarre and involved conspiracy theories. One of the most prominent is the idea that Tom Nook is actually evil.

If you’re into this or have even spent any time debating it and Nook’s capitalist notions, I’d submit you’re doing Animal Crossing all wrong. This is a game that is best played with the zeal of a kid. You have to embrace the innocence of island life and its cast of characters.

Animal Crossing is not made for high intensity moments. This isn’t one of those video games where you’ll have someone spiking a controller in anger. In fact, one could argue that not much at all happens in Animal Crossing. You’re just living a rather idyllic island life, meeting friendly creatures, crafting things like a birdcage or a net to catch fish with on Tom Nook’s DIY work bench, maybe playing the turnip market.

If you really want to get crazy, you can do some island hopping — and visit other equally peaceful lands.

Those still blissfully unaware of Animal Crossing — are probably just as ignorant of Tiger King. This is one of the entertainment stories of the coronavirus pandemic’s stay-at-home life. With some pandemic help, Animal Crossing enjoyed the third best launch of any Nintendo Game ever, only trailing Super Smash Bros. Ultimate and Super Smash Bros. Brawl (you play Animal Crossing on Nintendo Switch). In fact, it’s already the second highest selling video game in the entire U.S. for the year. And Animal Crossing only came out on March 20.

To say island life has taken off is putting it mildly.

My 6-year-old has filled the island our family is on with flowers — and her house (already upgraded twice through Tom Nook’s loan program) is filled with clothes she designed. She talks to the other occupants of our island so frequently that they often wonder what she could possibly want this time.

Flip, the workout-obsessed monkey, runs out of fitness tips and muscle brags. Timmy and Tommy are only saved by the fact that Nook’s Cranny closes at 10 pm each night (which is actually later than Target these days). Sherb, the new goat, declares, “I just can’t escape you, today.”

My daughter is very social in real-life and she’s just as social in Animal Crossing.

Meanwhile, our middle kid has turned into a turnip market tycoon, amassing a wealth of bells (the game’s version of money) that puts everyone else on the island to shame. In fact, his older brother and I are still stuck living in our original tents. Our budding tycoon is probably learning more math skills at the moment by playing the stalk market than he is in his school’s admittedly still-disjointed homeschooling assignments.

Animal Crossing Time Jumps and Stalk Markets

It’s no coincidence that the two youngest members of our household are also the two best at Animal Crossing. It’s great if you’re playing with your sorority to stay in touch — or conducting interviews in Animal Crossing as one reporter at a large city paper crowed about. .

But this is a game best played with a kid’s wonder (even if you need a very adult $65 or so to buy it — this is also a quarantine bonanza for Nintendo). The biggest argument at our house over Animal Crossing came when the turnip tycoon messed with the game’s clock and fast forwarded it two days to nudge along the action. This brought some serious 6-year-old outrage — and a new rule that strictly forbids any future time jumps.

It also produced something of a happy unintended side effect. We celebrated two Easters in our house this year — the one that happened in Animal Crossing on Friday because of the time jump and the one with real hidden baskets two days later on the actual Easter. Now our 6-year-0ld has taken to insisting on going by the Animal Crossing days of the week rather than the actual calendar however.

Then again, how many people in this new social distancing reality get the days right, anyway?

Animal Crossing is a game where you have to slow down to enjoy it. If you’re looking for… well, actual action… look elsewhere. Running from tarantulas or bees can produce some elementary school squeals, but even if you get bit, your character’s resulting swelled up eye looks sort of cute rather than alarming.

This is a game where making your world more beautiful — both the island you inhabit and your house — is an end goal in itself. It’s just a bright, pretty world where everything sprouts and shaking trees can produce bounties. Kids get this. They embrace the community rather than search for kooky conspiracy theories.

Still think Tom Nook is evil? Sorry — you’re playing Animal Crossing all wrong. On this one, the kids are all right.