8 Rules of Phone Etiquette — An Exposé of Social Tells in the Digital Age

In her recurring column, “Social in Security,” modern etiquette ambassador and Bell’INVITO founder Heather Wiese walks us through a list of trusted tips you can rely on. Today’s topic: rules of phone etiquette.

Whispered among the haut monde of modern society exists an increasingly meaty topic: phone etiquette. As our screens morph from tools of utility to appendages of distraction and identity, the social script has evolved. To the discerning and decorous among us — those who value both a well-timed text and a well-aged Burgundy — this guide to modern phone manners is your curated compass.

Control Thy Glow

Phones now shame us weekly with screen time reports (“You averaged 7 hours and 32 minutes a day — do you even live, darling?”) There is virtue in restraint. Though screen time has become an arguably acceptable addiction, there’s a thin line between connected and consumed.

If your dinner companion can see the blue glow, it’s time to unplug. Likewise, don’t check your screen mid-conversation. Stay present and, if an urgent matter requires your attention, excuse yourself briefly from a table where other people are present. 

Don’t Ghost the Room

At social gatherings, resist the urge to scroll. The subtle elegance of being wholly in the moment cannot be overstated. Being present is now officially a skill of sophistication.

Let your phone nap silently in your bag. If it must emerge, do it with the finesse of a magician revealing a dove — brief, purposeful, and quietly impressive. No placing it face-up on the table like a sacred talisman. We know you’re important. That’s why you’re here.

Boundaries Are Beautiful

Social media is part of culture — to an extent. On one hand, it connects us to art, activism, and that former flame who now makes soap in Vermont. On the other, it tempts us to overshare, overscroll, and overlook reality.

Before posting that boozy brunch boomerang, pause. Ask: Is this moment mine to share? What benefit am I adding and to whom? Does my friend’s mid-chew face really need to be immortalized? Consent is the new filter. Tagging without approval is a faux pas on par with name-dropping at a funeral.

And no, your child does not need 74,000 followers before kindergarten. Let them build their own digital footprint — one questionable high school decision at a time.

Capture with Consent

Today, a “quick pic” is as expected as artisanal water. But heed this: just because you can photograph doesn’t mean you should.

Before turning a gathering into a photo shoot, read the room. Ask permission. And for the love of lighting, don’t take 37 selfies at the table while your foie gras waits. Snap sparingly, edit ruthlessly (later, never in the moment), and never post without a quick, “Is this okay to share?”

Your Dress is Your Personal Packaging

Video calls are now firmly embedded in our cultural code, as acceptable for job interviews as they are for Zoom family therapy. But just because it’s virtual doesn’t mean standards are obliterated.

Dress like you respect your audience (at least from the waist up). Angle your camera so no one accidentally glimpses your laundry pile or your cat’s questionable grooming habits. Mute yourself when not speaking. And for heaven’s sake, look into the camera, not at yourself. This isn’t “America’s Next Top Zoomer.”

Master Response Time Etiquette on Both Ends

A delayed text is not a declaration of war. We are all juggling approximately 17 browser tabs in our brains. That said, ghosting is passé and inconsiderate unless you’re actually dead — we all know you have your phone handy. The rule? Respond within 24 hours if possible, or acknowledge the delay with wit and charm. “Apologies — was briefly abducted by spreadsheets” is vastly preferable to silence.

In contrast, however, do not expect immediate replies unless you are bleeding, birthing, or Billie Eilish. The expectation of constant availability is a relic of early smartphone euphoria. We’ve matured. Mostly.

Phone-Free Zones: The Last Authentic Luxuries

Some spaces deserve our undivided attention. These include: fine dining restaurants, theatres, funerals, yoga studios, weddings, and anywhere someone is pouring a $200 bottle of wine. When in doubt, ask yourself: Would Audrey Hepburn have taken a selfie here?

Dinner parties are also sacred. If you must Google the origin of an obscure cheese, fine. But otherwise, phones down. Conversation is an endangered species — protect it. When you are finished with your brief infraction, put the phone away again anywhere but on the table.

Modern Manners for a Digital World

Ultimately, modern phone etiquette is less about rules and more about awareness. It’s the subtle, often unspoken code of those who still write thank-you notes, who know how to order wine, who understand that connection — real, eye-to-eye, belly-laughing connection — are the real finer things.

In short, be present. Be kind. Be a person who knows when to pick the phone up for a voice-to-voice moment, and when to put the phone away and rejoin the world with grace.