The Modern Advice Column You Always Needed — What To Do When Achieving the American Dream Doesn’t Seem Like Enough

Editor’s Note: Welcome to the first edition of Wit & Wisdom, the advice column that knows life’s questions rarely come with easy answers — but they could all use a sprinkle of sass and a dash of reality. Think of this as your regular dose of real talk, a nudge in the right direction or just the honest advice you’d get from that one auntie who’s seen it all.

Hello there, lovely readers. I’m Fayza Elmostehi, your new best bestie penning Wit & Wisdom. Perhaps you’re wondering, “Does PaperCity really need an advice column?” In short: Absolutely yes.

Let’s face it: loneliness in the United States is surging. Almost 60 percent of adults report feeling isolated, and mental health resources are still out of reach (both financially and egotistically) for many. We’re living in the Catch-22 of a hyper-connected era where real connections are inexplicably harder to find. Sometimes, we just need to talk and be heard. That’s where I come in.

But why me? Let’s just say that I’m the one people turn to — all kinds of people. Whether it’s a co-worker needing a breakup text, an old friend thinking about opening up their relationship or the barista navigating a partner’s avoidant attachment style, I’m the go-to. In my DMs, over coffee (well, probably matcha) or even at the valet stand, I’m the girl people seek out for that blend of honesty, wisdom and empathy.

But that’s enough about me. Let’s get to the important stuff. This week’s selected email writer is sinking fast, and I’m here to pull them up before they go under.

Dear Wit & Wisdom,

I’m in my 40s, and on paper, I’ve got a lot going for me. I have a stable job that, while not my passion, pays the bills and allows me financial freedom. I own a nice home in a great neighborhood, I’ve been married to the love of my life for over 15 years and I have a solid group of friends. In a lot of ways, I should be content — like this is what I’ve been working toward my whole life.

But there’s this nagging feeling I can’t shake. It’s hard to put my finger on it, but it feels like a sense of emptiness or maybe even restlessness, like I’m waiting for something that hasn’t happened yet. I sometimes catch myself wondering: is this really it? Is this what the rest of my life is supposed to look like?

I know I’m fortunate, and it feels almost selfish or ungrateful to even have these thoughts. But there’s this itch I can’t quite scratch, and lately, it’s only been getting stronger. I don’t know if it’s a midlife crisis or something else entirely, but I want to figure out what’s missing. I just don’t know where to start.

Have you heard of people feeling like this? Where do I even begin to dig into what I really want?

— Searching for Substance

Dear Searching,

Let’s get something straight: you’re not selfish or ungrateful. You did what you were supposed to do. They sold you The American Dream™ as the ultimate goal and you bought it — hook, line and sinker. Professionally, you earned the degree, scored the stable job, climbed the corporate ladder and diligently sunk the requisite 15 percent into your 401(k). Personally, you married your best friend, take the annual beachy European vacation and dine out without a second thought about the bill. Sound familiar?

You checked all the boxes. You’re a success by every stretch of the word. And yet, you don’t feel successful. There’s a disconnect between who you are and the life you’ve built, leaving you fulfilled on paper but empty inside.

But how could that dream ever be fulfilling if it wasn’t your dream to begin with? Friend, I see you — you’re waking up from the illusion. You’re realizing that after “doing it all,” you never stopped to ask yourself if “having it all” was what you truly wanted. You followed the prescribed path to fulfillment, but now that you’ve reached the end of that road, you’re questioning the societal blueprint of a meaningful existence.

Congratulations! Good for you. But, as they say, knowing is only half the battle. So now what?

Well, now you go off-script. (Brace yourself. This is the hard part.)

Get ready to dig deep. This is your chance to be honest with yourself about what truly lights you up. Ask yourself: What activities have I enjoyed in the past? Think about what brings you joy and fuels your passions. Reflect on the big and small moments that resonate with how you want to feel. Maybe it’s cooking dinner with your favorite music in the background or being fully immersed in a breathtaking experience in nature. Instead of fixating on the events themselves, focus on the qualities and emotions they stirred in you.

Now grab a notebook and jot down those feelings. While you do this, set aside societal expectations. Don’t hold back. This isn’t about what they want. It’s about you — and the one life you get to live.

Next comes the fun-scary part. With that foundation laid out, take that list and prepare to experiment. For example, start with small risks. (Starting small is essential here.) Set some achievable goals that resonate with your interests. For instance, if you love painting, set a goal to complete one small canvas a month. If mentoring appeals to you, consider reaching out to a local organization to see how you can get involved.

As you venture into this new phase, think of your “Now what?” as an experiment. Try things that line up with your values and see what sticks. Just a heads up — you’re not going to find the answer overnight. But through trial and error, you’ll inch closer to what gives you that deeper sense of meaning.

It’s a journey, not a destination, and it’s about incremental change. It’s perfectly OK to try things, stumble and course-correct as many times as you need. But more importantly, it’s a step toward understanding what this life really means to you.

You probably don’t need a radical life change (though if you do, I can help with that, too). But I can’t tell you exactly what a good life looks like for you — you’re the only one with that answer. What I can say is that while you’re not alone in feeling this way, you’re one of the rare few who’s courageous enough to go beyond doing what they told you. There’s freedom in saying, “I want more,” and giving yourself permission to find it.

I’m proud of you already.

Until next time, be wise and wonderful,
W&W

I’m in my wetsuit, ready to dive into life’s biggest questions with you. Whether you’re wading in or going deep, email me at witwisdomadvice@gmail.com. Because finding purpose is something no one should have to navigate alone.